The World: One Big Couple's Argument

After many years of working with couples who present with trauma in their interactive history, I finally came to realize that the world is really one big "couple's argument" when it comes to the issue of abortion. What I was seeing every day in my office with couples, appeared to be no different in the world between men and women as a whole. I began to hypothesize that possibly what I see in my office on a micro level is also true on a macro level between men and women in our culture. This month's blog will spend some time reflecting on the similarities. If my reflections are true, then solving the debate about abortion in our country will not come from a rational left brain perspective but from a right brain approach to treating trauma. 

I want to start with a few statistics. 

7% of Americans have had or will have PTSD (Kessler,1995)
61% of men and 51% of women have experienced one traumatic event in their lifetime (Kessler,1995)
24.7% of females by the age of 18 will have experienced sexual abuse (Adverse Childhood Experience Study,1998)
16 % of males by the age of 18 will have experienced sexual abuse (Adverse Childhood Experience Study,1998)
56 million abortions in the U.S. since 1973, (O’Bannon, R.K., 2015)

When a couple comes to counseling and they escalate quickly in their communication, the first thing I look for is whether they have trauma in their history, either as individuals or as a couple. I know from experience that when a person has previous trauma, they are more likely to react and escalate quickly for various reasons. Those reasons can be related to their attachment needs not being met or triggered, deficits in attachment, fear, trust, not feeling safe or loved, fight or flight response, projections etc.These reactions tend to come from the limbic system part of the brain. This is the part of the brain that is affected by survival instincts. I also know from experience that my work with these couples has to take into account this understanding and I can not just try to help these couples from a rational left brain approach. Eventually, I want to be able to help these couples move out of the current cycle of handling communication and conflict to a healthier cycle that doesn't breed more trauma but security, safety and a feeling of being loved. 

Imagine if I was able to do an intake assessment on our culture. Based on the statistics mentioned above, what would my conceptualization be? What would I guess is behind the reactions between men and women in this culture? Are the reactions to the abortion issue alone coming from from a rational left brain or a emotional right brain rooted in the limbic system. What would my diagnosis and treatment plan be? What theoretical approach would work the best with our culture? 

As I watch the "macro level" couples's argument in this country over abortion, I can only think about the couples who come into my office who have trauma in their history. I remember a professor in graduate school saying to me, "The problem is not the problem." That appears true about the abortion issue in our country. Abortion is not the problem in terms of reactions, but the possible trauma that is triggered in a person's history when you bring up that word. The trauma may be related to having had an abortion or possibly from other trauma such as prior sex abuse etc. 

In conclusion, I would say my beginning treatment plan for our culture would need to include assessing the previous trauma in our culture, and the trauma that exists between the genders. Next I would help move our culture out of the crazy cycle it is in. Just like with couples, that will only begin by starting to talk about the deep seated hurt behind the reactions and begin to heal past and present pain. Only then can we begin to approach the legitimacy of abortion as a trauma from a left brain fact based perspective.