Christmas Brings Memories

​​Over the years of doing counseling many of my clients would report a gradual downhill feeling of depression during the time from Thanksgiving to Christmas. For others, they would report a joyous time with their family and would look forward to creating new picture perfect memories. The group of clients that struggled with depression seemed to have some things in common. In this month’s blog, I want to talk briefly about what they had in common and offer some encouragement for those that might need it during this time of year.

Christmas, like other holidays, brings both reminders and memories. Many clients who come to counseling present with early childhood trauma. That trauma often would steal from the innocence of Christmas day. What was supposed to be a joyous fun filled day with relatives and friends, often turned to just another day for that child to live in fear of something bad happening. That could include some form of rage, a violent interchange between parents, or another day to watch mom or dad drinking, just to name a few.

As adults, these memories can creep back in during the holiday season. A client may have PTSD from early childhood trauma, and during the holiday season they may experience intrusive thoughts, flashbacks or nightmares. In addition, the holiday season may be a reminder to some clients of how they may have repeated some of their past childhood trauma in their current relationship. A client may have said they would have never wanted to be like their parents were, may sit and face the fact on Christmas day that in many ways they became just like their parent. This realization is never so greater as they look into the fear of their children’s eyes and remember the same fear that was in their eyes as a child.

Christmas time as adults can also bring reminders of the many losses one may have experienced. These losses can include the death of a family member, or the loss of a child due to a reproductive loss such as a miscarriage, still birth or an abortion.

This week a client shared with me how difficult the week of Christmas was for her because last year at this time she had just found out she was six weeks pregnant. She later went on to have an abortion and is now suffering a year later and meets the full criteria for a diagnosis of PTSD. Just as childhood trauma would often steal the innocence of Christmas day for many of my clients, abortion trauma had now stolen the innocence of the holiday season for my client. The reliving of her trauma a year later not only stole her happiness during what is supposed to be a joyous time of year, but challenged her in the ability to be present for her current child. You see, her trauma now threated to steal from her current child’s Christmas day.

Let us not forget our clients during this holiday season. Don’t assume a “Merry Christmas” to all. Maybe another statement would be more beneficial than a canned statement. Perhaps, you might want to say to your client, “What will Christmas be like for you this year?” “I will keep you in my thoughts during this time because I know that this brings back memories for you.”

This Christmas I am thankful for each therapist that has been involved in this organization. I am also thankful for the many others who come to our website regularly to read the information that we present. I am also so thankful to be able to validate millions of men and women’s pain due to an abortion decision, when we live in a culture of invalidation. Validation often becomes the first step in reaching clients who come to our website for support. They are able to find therapists that not only validate their pain but provide professional evidenced based services to help in their healing.
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As 2016 comes to a close, instead of saying “Merry Christmas”. I will say to you, “How are you doing during this time of year?” “It’s okay and I understand”.