It's All About Attachment!

​As a therapist who works with addictions, I learned over the years that the etiology of addiction most often has it’s roots back in the first two years of a child’s life. This is the time that the right brain is developing and there is little left brain development. The left brain doesn’t really start to develop until the baby begins to speak which is about the age of two. If a child develops an insecure attachment at this young age, they learn several things. One is they learn that they may not be able to trust another person will meet their needs. They also learn whether they are lovable. If a parent is unresponsive to a child’s needs, the child can begin to feel unlovable. It is also at this time, that a child learns to regulate emotions. If a child develops an insecure attachment, one's ability to regulate emotions is impacted. The later inability to regulate emotions due to an insecure attachment is what often leads to addiction later in life.

Abortion is a loss of attachment for both the mother and father. How does the inability to attach to the child, combined with the loss of attachment later also lead to addictive behaviors both in men and women? It would only make sense that if early attachment trauma in childhood is a high risk factor for later in life addiction, that the loss of attachment due to an abortion decision, would also lead to a risk of addiction due to that attachment loss and the emptiness that results in the inability to bond.

While working with clients who present with addictions, I often will assess what kind of attachment style they are based on their family history. This understanding of attachment style not only helps me in understanding the etiology of addiction but it also helps me understand the relational dynamics in their marriage or couple relationship. Their attachment style will also have an impact on whether they can attach to the loss of their child due to an abortion decision or not. It will impact their ability to attach to their emotions, their partner, other children etc.
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The goal of working with those who have had early attachment trauma or later attachment trauma with a child they lost due to an abortion decision, is to include in your treatment planning the goal of a movement toward a more secure attachment. Not only will the risk of addiction go down, and their ability to attach to their partner go up, but as they attach to their emotions, they can also begin to attach to the child they lost. As a therapist, remember this important lesson, it’s all about attachment. I promise you can’t lose as you approach your client through this lens.