The Secret on my Intake Form

Over ten years ago I began to include a question on my intake form about abortion. The first question read, “Have you lost a child due to an abortion decision?” The following questions were then focused on symptoms as a result of the decision. I would also ask the question whether they had told anyone or if they ever had counseling to address the loss. As you can imagine, I had many different responses over the years. The responses ranged from ignoring the question, to crossing out the word child, to answering the question as honest as they could. How a client answered the question, usually told me a lot about where they were in the grieving and healing process. I had committed to myself as a therapist that clients deserved to be validated for the loss of their child due to an abortion decision, despite what culture was telling them of it being no big deal. I knew in my work with clients over the years that just because a person doesn’t talk about a trauma doesn’t mean it is no big deal. I wanted to honor their loss by asking the question. I wanted to give my client’s a different message than the sense of disenfranchised grief that they often lived with in silence. I also wanted to begin to give my clients hope and a plan of recovery and healing.

Last week as I was looking through a series of new intake forms, I noticed several things. One is the power of secrecy and shame that many women and men carry on a daily basis and never talk about it with anyone. The comments I read on these new intake forms were that they either have told no one or that they only told one or two people. They also reported a lot of pain and sadness still, often after many years. They rarely report they have had any counseling to deal with it in the past. I continue to be shocked today that many of these clients have attended counseling for years and were never asked about an abortion in their history. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the same story. Let me just say one thing loud and clear. Our clients deserve better. They deserve to be validated for their secret pain despite the cultural message. If we don’t at least validate their pain, then who will?

If you are a therapist and are reading this blog, do me a favor. Validate your clients and include this question on your intake form. It is no different than including a question about another trauma such as childhood abuse. If you don’t ask the question, you are basically saying to the client the same thing that culture says to them. “It isn’t a true trauma and they shouldn’t be hurting.” How sad that the mental health world caves into political pressure, various groups with agendas, and ignores the real pain of the client. After all wouldn’t the mental health world want to validate a client who may have experienced sexual or physical abuse? Wouldn’t they want us to ask these type of questions on our intake form? Clients who have experienced possible trauma due to an abortion decision, deserve the same.